Normally Thanksgiving for my family consisted of all my family under one roof . Watching TV (mostly football), laughing, drinking, playing games etc. All while my aunt threw down in the kitchen making her mac & cheese, yummy potato salad and her famous fried chicken. Of course amongst other things.
Without fail, there was always someone, 2 people in particular, fussing with one another because someone had an opinion, lol. All out of love of course. Actually, this wasn’t any different than any other day so that’s one thing that remained the same, lol. Thanksgiving always felt great, homey, and full of love & family. With that being said, this thanksgiving didn’t feel much like the rest.
This year, thanksgiving brought about a feeling in myself that felt all too familiar and not in a good way. Just a real eerie feeling. I remember what thanksgiving , well the holidays in general felt when my dad passed. No holiday or day for that matter has yet to feel the same. It felt……empty. A void yearning to be filled.
This year was the first year we as a “family” had thanksgiving in the house and my aunts lovely aromas from her cooking didn’t fill the house. The first thanksgiving in the house where my aunt was not able to be with us. My aunt departed this earth about 16 months ago and no day since has been easy. Lets just say that this thanksgiving wasn’t easy either. She was the glue that brought us together and kept us together.
Granted, like I said, we did have thanksgiving dinner but it just wasn’t the same. The family was there under one roof, however, the crowd was a lot smaller than I remember when she was here. It just didn’t feel very family oriented. She was the family and she wasn’t there.
I know you’re probably thinking that you’re supposed to be grateful during this time of year. And you would be correct but for me I felt that we focused a little more on her absence than we did the holiday and its meaning. But can you blame us, no right?! It was hard to look at the bigger picture when the last puzzle piece was missing.
Although, I know she is and was looking down on us that day we just couldn’t help but wish she was there with us. In her absence, I hope that we did her proud as we prepared our first thanksgiving dinner without her.
Don’t worry Auntie, nobody burned down the house, lol. I even held it down in the kitchen and cook some of the dishes. Glad I’m one in the family who picked up the cooking gene. 😉
Like my little cousin said, “Thanksgiving just didn’t feel like thanksgiving” and I must say, I agree.
Regardless of what I thought of the day itself, I am still thankful. Thankful that no matter the circumstance & how many people were there, we were still able to come together and pull off our first thanksgiving dinner. No matter how hard it was.
We love and miss every ounce of your being. Whether it was thanksgiving, today, or any other day, your presence is truly missed.